Badger bag - messy, surly, full of books

"She has been called, and rightly so, the Boswell of the Octopus."
Dastardly Dan needs help, he is back from the "big house" and if you can spare a little cash for him give it to me and I will pass it on.

Sunday, February 08, 2004


one considers pulling one's shirt up, pointing at boobs, and declaring one's self to be an adult human being, and there is the proof,

one considers many curse words and torrid descriptions of what one's relations can exactly do once they holy mother of god remove the paint sticks from up their own asses,

one mentally and at great length explains to one's mother that, at least when one is not painting something quite unimportant and hidden like the backs of kitchen cabinets that no one will ever see, one's painting technique is quite competent and consists of a) taping carefully b) dabbing the paint on kind of thick and then, afterwards, smoothing it all at once in one long stroke so that it is neither globby nor streaky c) not having a stick up one's ass

Instead, one rather wildly yet maturely declares one has Had It and no further commentary or criticisms are allowed as it would ruin one's joyous bonding with the House and that one is Now Having a Beer and Going Outside to Prune the Bushes Behind the House Where No One Shall Ever See.

Was happily doing so, tying up bushes with rope to the lattice with Jo's daughter in very useful assistance, given gloves and pruning shears she went at it with no instruction necessary. She is good that way. In fact she spontaneously constructed a secret garden leafy bower for Moomin with the prunings woven into a roof with red berry decorations. Thoughtful! But... our paradise was disturbed by Mama "Stick up the Ass" Hemulen who did a sort of exaggerated "taken aghast" double take at the scene. "My GOD! What you NEED TO DOooooooooo.... is TIE UP some of these branches. Don't CUT them! Like THIS ONE HERE... you could TIE IT up to the lattice!" (she plucks the very branch out from under my nose that I was contemplating in zen-like bliss.

"Look. See this rope? In my hands? See how I just tied up all those other branches? I was JUST DOING THAT. Go. Away. Get thee hence. "

"Oh... uh... ummm..." She left. I drank my beer with Eliz. in the bower. I believe she witnessed my carefully non-out-of-control outburst, and took pity on me.

Arrrrrrgh! This drives me so nuts! I am actually an unusually intelligent and competent person. I also a) found the house after 3 years of solo house hunting b) planned all this work c) thought about what I was going to do with the bushes about 5 seconds after first seeing them several months ago d) specially bought work gloves and pruning shears and rope for the project. Why must someone then come in and act like I must have my head right up my ass without a thought in it? This is the way I was treated my whole childhood and it drives me crazy.

I also put in two 10 hour days of demolition and ticky little careful work of pulling up staples from the floor. Carefully. Meticulously. With attention to detail. Without damaging things. Swept everything about 20 times and mopped it all and then washed down all the trim with sponges.

WHICH I might mention, I carefully went and bought all supplies listed for me and then everything else I could think of too. Being the organizational genius that I am. Why must everyone ride my ass? It's just not funny. It was funny to joke about how I'm a slob and exuberantly stepped in the paint can but you know what, give it a rest people, we wiped up the paint in all of 30 seconds.

Rook doing it all day to me too. I would go to start doing something and he would come in and loom over me, hmmm-ing and then he'd move in and start to do the thing I was working on. If I left the room then he'd come and horn in on my new project.

Hetman V. can do as she pleases as she is actually competent and has thought about how to do things and has a plan. Plus, she shoots no telepathic "you fuckup!" rays out of her skull like Rook and my mom, who can bite me!

Possibly one snickers a little quietly as the Neat Perfect People pull off their masking tape and big flakes of paint come off with the tape. one does not feel too guilty about this. hahaha. sorry.

I wish Minnie was here, she would be very comforting.

eliz. and Moomin helped me paint the ugly white cabinet that Jo and I dragged outside. We mixed paint colors. we swirled. we spattered. We handprinted. the shelves are all different colors. "Why are you WASTING TIME on .... THAT... " Mama Freaking Irritating Needs a Bitchslapping Don't Care if She Dies of Emphysema Hemulen commented. Fucking fuck!

posted by badgerbag 2/08/2004 05:36:00 PM comment

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Ranting, complaining, speculating, confessing from Badgerbag in an extended Crossing the Line ceremony.