Badger bag - messy, surly, full of books

"She has been called, and rightly so, the Boswell of the Octopus."
Dastardly Dan needs help, he is back from the "big house" and if you can spare a little cash for him give it to me and I will pass it on.

Friday, February 06, 2004

odd dream this morning

A dream of being part of a giant co-op again. It had all sorts of people from my past and we were all working together on various web sites and also something to do with the M@rs Rover.

I was watching a movie in a somewhat dark room on the history of the transgender movement and then I realized with a jolt that everyone would think that I was MTF just because I was there. In that way that ideas in dreams turn into dream reality, it became true and I felt very oddly aware of my body and its differences from how it used to be. Then it became true the OTHER way and I had become a man.

Then I was embroiled in this long painful drama with my ex girlfriend Anais. She kept not seeing me, eluding me, disappearing, not being where she said she was going to be, not being where expected... A scene where she explained to me, "I'm pulling away from you because I'm so depressed and suicidal." or something. "But I love you whether you are happy or sad" I said. then she looked at me very strangely and I realized I had never told her I loved her (in real life, not until way later, years after our relationship) It was like a magic movie moment where the audience is all squirmily thinking or for out-loud movie watchers, yelling "Just tell her you love her!" and the actor does and then everything is all la-la and soft focus with violins kicking in. In my dream that happened and Anais tearfully beamed at me from under her ratty dreadlocks, her thin, pale, scarred wrists covered in rotting guatemalan friendship bracelets... "That changes EVERYTHING!" and I swept her up in my arms for a romantic kiss.

A very uncharacteristic dream for me!

posted by badgerbag 2/06/2004 08:49:00 AM comment

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Ranting, complaining, speculating, confessing from Badgerbag in an extended Crossing the Line ceremony.

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